Learn how to feel like a victim
“You don't become a victim. You are a victim or you are not.” Photo: iStock.com/tommaso79.

Feeling like a victim: How to change your mindset

We are happy to blame others, such as fate or our alleged streak of bad luck, for everything. High time stop feeling like a victim and take responsibility for your own life.

Do you also belong to those people who feel disadvantaged by fate or by other people? Do you have the feeling that you are more unlucky than your friends and that you just can’t do anything? I’ll show you what it really looks like and what you can do about your negative thoughts.

Everyday challenges

The separation from your partner, the loss of a loved one or an accident with consequences. Our life holds all sorts of unpleasant events that we would like to do without.

Problems that arise can make us feel like victims of fate.

If such events follow one another in a short time, we often get the feeling that fate has simply turned against us. We feel powerless and like life’s plaything, apparently without any chance of doing anything about it. I’m sure you know this feeling too.

But by giving responsibility for what happened to someone else – even if it was just this “fate” – we put ourselves in the role of victim. “That’s fate. There is nothing I can do about it, even if I wanted to”. A vicious circle begins.

Out of the role of victim through responsibility

No question about it, there are things in life that we cannot avoid with the best of will. Often we are really unlucky if, for example, your employer of all people goes bankrupt or you are simply in the wrong place at the wrong time and thus get involved in an accident.

With other things, however, on closer inspection, we are often much more to blame than we want to admit to ourselves. So maybe you failed the exam because you didn’t study enough. You may also have lost your partner because you didn’t treat them fairly. Or you currently have health problems because you let yourself go to the last.

So that we understand each other correctly: We don’t want to make you know that you are to blame for everything or that you are just imagining your suffering. Both of these are definitely not the case. But as I said, we are responsible for some things. To be able to judge this honestly for yourself requires the ability to be self-critical. Only if you can look at yourself critically and objectively will you be able to admit your own mistakes.

Don’t declare yourself a victim

A well-known coach for self-defense once said: “You don’t become a victim. You are a victim or you are not. ”. Unfortunately, there is more to this sentence than you think, which may sound a bit cynical to those currently suffering.

Because of course we cannot always influence what happens to us, but we can very well decide how we react to it.

We often only suffer because we think we are the plaything of fate and cannot do anything about it. As a result, we are in a bad mood, angry and often annoyed for days.

“Pain is inevitable, suffering is voluntary.”

M. Kathleen Casey

But that is exactly what is unnecessary and completely out of place. There is no one out there who can make you feel like this. You alone decide how you react to a particular situation.

How to stop feeling like a victim

If something bad happens to you, yes, even if something bad happens to you again, think carefully about how you react to it. As stupid as it may sound: Whether you are upset about it for 10 days or swallow for a moment and keep smiling, it doesn’t change anything about what happened. Because it is already in the past.

The right mindset against the victim role
With the right attitude, anyone can leave the victim role behind.

It is clear to us that, for example, the end of a long and intimate relationship cannot be swallowed down and forgotten so easily. Usually there are too many emotions involved to simply suppress them. But what you can and should learn is how to deal with rather trivial everyday problems that simply happen and are solvable.

Getting upset takes time and energy without you getting any benefit from it. Feeling like a victim leads to the fact that you give someone else (who often does not even exist) the responsibility for your life instead of using the time to lead this life on the right track yourself. So make sure that you consciously get out of the victim role.

Minimize the suffering

As already written in the article “The self-fulfilling prophecy”, you alone determine whether you are weak or strong, whether you suffer or struggle, whether you are a victim or a doer. Only you can control your feelings, no one else.

If you feel helpless, powerless, and a victim, nothing will change. You will suffer for as long as you allow without gaining anything. Unfortunately, I have to tell you that in all directness.

Accept life’s adversities as they come. Unfortunately (!) there is a high probability that you will be confronted with things that you do not want more often. But in the end you alone decide whether you then make yourself a victim or a fighter. Therefore: Get out of the victim role and into life! We know you will make the right decision!

In a nutshell

Again and again we see ourselves confronted with strokes of fate and turning points in our lives. If they follow one another in the shortest possible time, we quickly believe in a streak of bad luck or feel like victims.

But it is precisely this feeling of powerlessness, the feeling of not being able to do anything and of not being responsible, that leads us to give up control of the situation and suffer more than is often necessary.

So meet the adversities and problems of life on an equal footing. Decide for yourself whether or not they are worth suffering for. Because whether you get excited or not, it won’t change anything that happened.

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