Self-Discipline

Learn to say “no”

Are you one of those people who find it difficult to bring a “no” over their lips? We‘ll show you what’s behind it and what you can effectively do.

Now it has happened again. You’ve let your boss talk you into taking on a few other tasks, even though you’re already more than busy with your current area.

It’s such and similar situations that we would like to deny, but don’t really dare.

There is the Sunday coffee with the parents, you already dread Monday evenings, the binge drinking with your friends and finally the walk to the public office, which you do for your sister, because she doesn’t like.

You don’t have time and desire, but when you were asked, you simply didn’t have the heart to say “no” again.

But why is that?

Why is it difficult for us to say “no”?

Usually we are quite free to reject or accept whatever we like. We can decide according to our personal taste or our current mood.

Whether it’s yes or no , the only thing we need to do in the end is to come to terms with the consequences of this decision. But that’s what scares many of us.

We imagine the worst scenarios, which the other one might think about us and whether that might not hurt friendship or contact. And so we finally get carried away by something we really don’t want to do. We’d rather do it then, before our counterpart thinks something wrong.

By always saying “yes,” we avoid conflicts, may be more liked, and blame others for our lives because we care for them instead of us.

We usually don’t even notice how we harm ourselves with such a behavior.

The nonsense & danger of saying yes

On the one hand, we always put the desires of others above our own wishes, which means that we often no longer live our own lives but those of others.

In addition, “Always-Yes-Sayer” underestimate a certain legitimacy of education: By showing their environment again and again that they can rely on, they educate just that, you can do it with them too.

An example:

You are busy at work, but still accept any additional task from your boss. These extra tasks mean that your schedule won’t work out and you may have to work overtime and, what’s even worse, your boss will assume that you will be able to complete these tasks from now on and he can give you more.

A vicious circle begins. Your boss realizes with every new task that has been assigned to you that you will accomplish this additional work and perceives it as a normal state of your workforce. Until you eventually break under the load, for which you have partially taken care of yourself.

As you can see, yes-saying is nice to your environment, but it ultimately damages you and can make your current situation even worse in the long term.

Tips against the yes-Saying

1.) First, think about why in the past you have agreed to things that you would rather have rejected. Did you want to avoid a discussion? Did not you just want to stand stupid or not endanger the contact?

2.) Think about what could realistically happen if you say no. Will they denounce your friendship if you don’t go out with your friends this time? Will your parents disinherit you if you can’t come for coffee on Sunday? Of course not. Life goes on.

3.) Get used to giving yourself some time to think about such questions. It has nothing to do with rudeness when you say “I’ll see if I have time and then let you know.” So you leave your decision open, your counterpart knows about a possible “no” and you have time and opportunity to think about whether you want and can.

4.) A “No” can usually be defused simply by justifying it. Friends or colleagues won’t be angry if you’re scheduled or need to do other things. But don’t make it a habit to justify yourself anytime, anywhere. This is definitely the wrong way and you’ve to build up so much self-confidence .

5.) Another possibility, which can also be used well at work, is to make alternative proposals. So you can calmly (and without fear) ask your boss if you should postpone your current task and complete the new task, or wait until then.

So that no misunderstandings arise:: You don’t have to become an egoist to say “no” more often. You shouldn’t. However, you should be aware that you first have to think about your needs before you can take care of the needs of your fellow human beings. You don’t bring much to your environment if you pay little or no attention to yourself.

You will notice that every other “no” will make it easier for you and that your self-confidence will be further strengthened. It’s, as often, a pure question of practice. Through this newly learned behavior, you will automatically appear more authentic and powerful on your environment, a quality that many will envy.

In a nutshell

We all occasionally tend to do things that we would rather decline. In this way we hope for sympathy with the other person and don’t have to justify our decision.

This yes-saying leads to more and more dealing with the life of others rather than our own lives. We become unfaithful to ourselves. In addition, we educate our environment that a “no” of us is extremely unlikely and you can ask us therefore any time.

So, analyze why you may have often said “yes” in the past, even though you didn’t want to, and realize that life will continue even if you sometimes refuse something with thanks. Take time to consider whether you want to do something or not, justify your decision if necessary or suggest alternatives.

You will see that it’s absolutely okay to say “no”.

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